Extreme Paranoia

Every time  when you were bundled up by troubles,

I could only gaze from afar,

Watching you tear,

Being helpless.

It has always been like that,

Ever since the first time I see the troubled you with my very own eyes.

Am I being too sensitive?

Or am I a coward who couldn’t afford a smack in his cheek?

Every time when I was just about to approach,

To console you,

To soothe you,

I doubted for a second,

Contemplating about the choice that I was about to make.

And every now and then,

I tried to brave myself up,

Making the first step,

To achieve something that I’m not good at.

Often,

It ended up with a big “Shut Up”,

That made me realize how foolish I was,

Because all my efforts were not only futile,

But it had only made matters worse.

Often,

I tried to brighten you up when you were gloomy,

But deep down in my heart,

I never fail to remind myself that I’m a failure.

I always know that what I was about to say would do more harm than good,

But I tried my best to make you smile again,

Somehow, I just failed like always.

As useless as I am,

The only progressive thing I could do is nothing,

But to take a few steps back,

Worried and agitated as you broke down into tears.

Never have I stopped thinking,

Of solutions to excavate a smile out of you,

Because with just a smile,

A day you made for me,

As that Angelic smile of yours,

Is undoubtedly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

No matter what awaits you in the future,

More troubles or most preferably serenity,

I would always hope the best for you,

So that every problem of yours could you defeat,

And you’ll smile once again,

An Angel you then will be,

In my satisfying little own eyes.