A Comprehensible Affection

 

Goes perfectly with Declan Galbraith’s Twinkle Little Star. =)

I’m right here while you are there,

Nothing could I do but to stare.

This loneliness I couldn’t forever bear,

As everyday seems like a creepy nightmare.

When you fall into silent despair,

I was worried sick for you I swear,

Feeling hurt as apart your heart tear,

Because for you very much I care.

But never once you want to share,

As you hide it all up the wooden stairs.

Desperate to help but ask I wouldn’t dare,

As it might upset you more that I scare.

Your heart, when would you bare?

All I hope for is a smile that’s fair.

Could that be possible If I bring you up in the air?

Or should I just sit still on a chair,

Pray silently for all would eventually be under you care?

The moments you have problems I wish to be rare,

And happiness I hope could be bought by millionaire.

But all I could do now is to stop and stare,

Hoping that comfort would be brought about by my teddy bear.

Extreme Paranoia

Every time  when you were bundled up by troubles,

I could only gaze from afar,

Watching you tear,

Being helpless.

It has always been like that,

Ever since the first time I see the troubled you with my very own eyes.

Am I being too sensitive?

Or am I a coward who couldn’t afford a smack in his cheek?

Every time when I was just about to approach,

To console you,

To soothe you,

I doubted for a second,

Contemplating about the choice that I was about to make.

And every now and then,

I tried to brave myself up,

Making the first step,

To achieve something that I’m not good at.

Often,

It ended up with a big “Shut Up”,

That made me realize how foolish I was,

Because all my efforts were not only futile,

But it had only made matters worse.

Often,

I tried to brighten you up when you were gloomy,

But deep down in my heart,

I never fail to remind myself that I’m a failure.

I always know that what I was about to say would do more harm than good,

But I tried my best to make you smile again,

Somehow, I just failed like always.

As useless as I am,

The only progressive thing I could do is nothing,

But to take a few steps back,

Worried and agitated as you broke down into tears.

Never have I stopped thinking,

Of solutions to excavate a smile out of you,

Because with just a smile,

A day you made for me,

As that Angelic smile of yours,

Is undoubtedly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

No matter what awaits you in the future,

More troubles or most preferably serenity,

I would always hope the best for you,

So that every problem of yours could you defeat,

And you’ll smile once again,

An Angel you then will be,

In my satisfying little own eyes.

An Indelible Dream

It was during a round-table chat when a girl named S raised up her tiny palm and swore. She swore to go against all odds and would go all out to care for me even when the whole universe is against us. Her sincere promise touched the deepest corner of my heart. 

I made a hasty decision to give S a shot, not wanting to disappoint her. However, this step taken was a definite mistake. My growing affection towards C gave my heart inexorable stabs, having to think that this move to patch up with S might hurt C’s feeling if she finds out.

Fortunately enough, this incident fell directly on the day where C has no class, Monday. Before anything could go any further, I decided to draw a clear line between me and S. This well-thought decision to put a halt to the relationship between me and S happened on the very same day we got together and dated, Monday.

However, this rather cruel move that would be heart-breaking for S hinders me from making my first move to set a barrier between us. In addition, the thinking of E breaking up with his girlfriend in less than a day made up my mind to give S an additional day with me.

Coincidently, C came all the way to college that day for some event that was to be held in the afternoon. Having lunch together with C and S, I was literally shivering inside, hoping desperately that S would not disclose our newly bonded relationship. She didn’t.

Later, S and I met up with J, who was S’s ex-boyfriend. J managed to grab some time off with me and we chatted. In his extremely low husky tone, I sensed some hatred. I tried to talk him out of it but could not. The thought of S breaking up with him just for me couldn’t stop bothering him. I gave up.

After all the drama with J, S and I was out dating in a shopping mall. S was enjoying and savoring every moment when we were together. Me, on the other hand, couldn’t get C out of my mind. My heart was thumping on my lungs every single second I was with S, it was as though I have committed adultery. In fact, I have not even gone into any kind of special relationship with C.

Before the day came to an end, the pressure on me was so tremendous that I was almost being squashed into a unicellular organism. Couldn’t take it no more, I turned to S. Instead of giving her a goodbye kiss, I proposed a break up. Our relationship ended in front of S’s house that day. S broke down into tears and I was drenched in guilt, watching her tear.

Lesson Learnt :

1. Never rush into any relationships because it might hurt someone. 
2. Appreciate what you’ve got and not to demand for more.
3. Love C more. (:

Missing Presence?

Was it under the broadest daylight?

Or was it during the darkest night?

A self-proclaimed knight I am,

Keeping little images of you in my little RAM.

Ambling down the bustling roadside,

A lot of ridiculous laws to abide,

There is one thing I would never hide,

The wish to always have you by my side.

Experiencing the city life,

Where swine flu is beginning to be rife,

If something happens that’s beyond our might,

If it were for you, I would definitely fight.

Now that I’ve returned,

The Papers of Distance slowly burn.

Bringing up the warmth and heat,

As one, our hearts together beat.

Written With Love,

Sean

Specially Written

We shall march forward and focus on the pathway ahead of us and never we shall turn our heads to look back.

Squatting at a dark corner of your room and staring into the blank space above, you might be grieving and wailing over something you lost, something you thought you had grabbed it firmly in your hands but you were wrong. The thing you were so confident of possessing just slipped through your un-tighten grip. Wind blew, your hopes went along with it and vanished.

What you just missed might be something of sentimental value, something precious, or it might be some unnecessary desires to quench your insatiable “thirst.” Your love ones might have just said “Let’s part our ways!”, and there goes your 2 whole years of dating. You might have just busted your papers, made thousands of silly mistakes when you shouldn’t have, couldn’t have, and never thought you would have.

Your feelings might be at the apex when some misfortunes, something unpredictable just brought it down. *Whoooosh* It just plunged into the deepest valley on earth and disappear into the veil of darkness below  that never could you find it again.

You might be overwhelmed when you got your grades back because at one glance, all you could see are straight As without a single B. Because of that mere glance, you later realized that the name on it wasn’t yours. After searching up and down for the paper with your name written on it, your feelings plummeted. The result was not what you expected and the grades contrasted with the previous one tremendously. The temporary false excitement you had just made matters worse.

Whatever the heart-breaking incident was, it’s time for us to stand up once again and get out from the dark, down corners of our life into the light with a highly-spirited heart. We shall march forward and focus on the pathway ahead of us and never we shall turn our heads to look back. Of course, there are times where we should refer to our past experiences so as not to repeat the mistakes that we made.

All that had happened, had indeed happened and that’s undeniably the fact, the truth that could never be altered and rewound. Since the truth would be “stagnant” just like a clogged up ditch, instead of trying to make it flow like before, why not build another newer and flawless one? Bear in mind that truth will be the same after years, decades, and even centuries. But, we change as years gone by. We grow up into more matured being as we absorb and learn lessons in life.

It doesn’t matter no more what had happened because you know deep down in your heart that to correct it was definitely out of your capability. So why not just leave the past behind and strive to do better in the future in order to compensate and make up for the things you’d unintentionally let go that day?

I believe you would feel much better then.

p/s : I promise to make the Genting trip a success!

From Sean                                                            To Chloe

Love at First Sight - or Is It?

Another guest post by Desmond Ong -- probably the greatest guy on Earth besides Barack Obama...and well, David Beckham. *wink*

So, do you have those moments when you see that cun-ted girl or guy across the street that you know fall in love just at the first sight? Ever wonder how it happens? No, it's no cupid. It's more to chemistry and physics. ;-)

Disclaimer : This theory has yet to be proven yet as there is still some manipulated variables that have been affecting this theory.


Have you ever understand the word "falling in love"? Is it just that simple? Two arrows by the Cupid? Or time spent to understand each other? Is it really that simple?

A research from I dunno where said otherwise. It is believed there is no such thing as "love at first sight". Human bodies emit a strange wave called the infrared. Infrared is emitted from human bodies because of the human body temperature. Emission of heat energy causes the release of infrared waves from the bodies.

Infrared waves travel no more than a few meters away. When two similar infrared waves meet each other, the two waves will cause a special effect on the sources of the waves -- the human bodies.

For example, let's assume that Rory is the man and Fiona is the woman. Rory was waiting for the cab right in front of tens of thousands of people crossing by Times Square, Manhattan when he spotted someone that he knows instantly that that someone could be his love of his life.

That someone is Fiona, who never meet Rory before.

Let's look at this from another person's view. There are figuratively tens of thousands of people out there, but why did Rory only got attracted by Fiona? The answer lies in infrared waves.

Some researchers believe strongly that when two near-similar infrared collides, the sources of the infrared waves will be tie into an immediate bond. That's how love at first sight happens.

However, this might sounds like an "Awwww...." moment for the beautiful ladies out there who are still with me to this point, the human bodies' infrared waves CAN subject to changes. Should it change even a small amount of frequencies, the love between the couple will be shatter -- almost instantly.

This might sounds like a bullshit, but it does make sense if you think about it. Bullshit or not, your call.

Random Love Impression

I have this habit of relating something to someone I love or like very much but the reasons seem blurred.

Maybe it’s a first impression thingy but what’s weird is that that happen to non others than the crushes I had.

First Crush – Purple Color. I can’t figure out how did I even associated the color purple with her, but whenever I see purple, I think of her.

Second Crush – Disturbia by Rihanna. This song can really disturb my mind, evoking thoughts and memories of her along with the beating of the rhythm. Third Crush – Crush by David Archuleta and One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks. Realize how those two songs are related to each other and sharing something in common – sang by American Idol’s *contestants. But that has got nothing to do with how those were bonded to her. Actually there’s more, but I think that’s enough.

 

 

 

 

Four Crush – Poker Face by Lady GaGa. Haha. Wonder why as well.

In short, 75% of my crushes are associated with songs. (: That’s something random to share. 

Are you in any ways similar to me? 

Without you, time crawls; With you, I soar!

This month is coming to an end, and I guess that’s the end of the most wondrous month of my life.

February 2009 is complemented with love, passion, and affection as it always has; It is the month where love birds enjoy the most. I enjoyed it myself with although with some confusions frolicking around my complicated mind. I have yet to settle down, ladies and gentlemen.

This month has also marked my greatest achievement ever since I created this sanctuary of mine. Two poems involving 4 people were written and a dozen of entries scribbled on the experiences of my mundane life.

February was indeed a happening month for me. It starts of with a worsening but enjoyable Chinese New Year, visiting Sheryl and Jiu Hwei with a bunch of friends and receiving Ang Paus. Moving on closely with the first confusion of my life, but I did cherished every moment I had and it was undeniably memorable.

Then came Valentine’s day, where it’s the day the resonance was broken – I was awaken from the fantasy world of mine. Ironically, I swiftly stepped through the portal into reality, willingly, carving a smile on my face. And I did the bravest thing in my life, which was to ask a girl out for a date although I wasn’t being serious at all.

Bought mice for my Biology project and gain first hand experience rearing a pet, which started off with great enthusiasm and which gradually died out eventually. I do love pets, but it always is the matter of rearing and sustaining them. Wealth can solve that problem though. (:

And the emergence of the craziest news on earth and the bravest thing an artist would ever do,  Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. That’s purely dumb but admittedly, Chris Brown has got guts!

Getting real close to a bunch of new friends with the help of nothing but the famous break time “table game” of ADP – Cho Dai Dee. Got real lucky at some point that I almost won every rounds. If we were to gamble, I think I could use the money I won to open a casino in HELP. *exaggerating*

Assignments are yet to be done but I’m doing real fine for all the starting quizzes. Trying real hard to improve myself in presentation, conversing more often rather than being a loner while getting lamer at the same time. Gets a little critical at times, which cause may be from the influence of Ms. Yap.

And just yesterday, I witnessed a small yet significant demonstration in front of the United Nation’s office, few meters away from my block. It’s quite cool to observe every single incident that happened during the demonstration, with the demonstrators shouting with great spirit on what they are protesting and with riot police controlling the situation. Took a few pictures and later on got mummified with the police straps. We were lucky that there weren’t any brawls.

And that’s all there is. Love this February and hopefully, I will love Februaries in the future.

Poems in the Air!

LITTLE did I get from the moment we met,

that someday you’ll be my darling ANGI.

INVARIABLY expecting every moment when we are meeting,

to be as wonderful as a sunset in ETERNAL.

MARVELOUS as I see that you’ll always be,

melts my heart mercilessly in DECI.

CUTE smiles on your face gave you your grace,

always provided me with a savoring BREAK.

HEIGHTEN beauty with that red dress in duty,

got the attention of throngs that would never DECLINE.

LITTLE, petite, playful, and adorable,

you stand out most although friends I have MANY.

ONCE a stranger now a joy bringer,

you made my days as those plays of ROMEO.

ENDING this poem with cheers of eternal friendship,

I hope when we meet in the near future, you would call out, “Sean, it’s YOU!”

Friendship

What exactly is friendship?

Looking at the title of this entry and the starting question, you may think that "Hell, anybody in this world would know what's that."

But Hell no. I just read a complain letter written by some anonymous person to "Ask Aunty" in the monthly Reader's Digest, asking for solutions to his brittle friendship.

Obviously, he is well concerned about this friendship of his, while the other party does not.

I believe that anyone of you should have encountered some form of difficulties in life when it comes to friendship.

Why do we always get so confused and completely baffled by our friendships?

I heard of endless grumblings about others, we do. I, myself had been and am on sunken "ships". Why these things happen? How? Ever ask yourself those questions?

This is how God created man and this is how we were born to this earth as sons of God. We are unique in our own ways, having distinctive personalities that differ vastly from others.

We therefore view friendships in different perspectives. That is when complications occur.

Some people value friendships just a little too much. They are too afraid of losing them and are willing to do anything to get them back if they lose them.

Some idiots and heartless people treat friends like temporary "tools." They use them to see them through obstacles in life or to satisfy their needs, neglecting them when they are useless.

Some people are more than dumb to not know what are true friendships. They value the wrong ones, neglecting the ones who cared for them the most.

Couldn't be blamed. Maybe people are born that way, never knowing what they have now are the "golds" that many are yearning and searching for.

Time never waits for us. Time can never be recycled. Do what you can now to value those who treat you right and well. It's never too late.

-Friendships are hard to come by, why destroy them?-
-In a hope to be friends again.

Inspired

Do not FROWN over the things you lose,

SMILE because you once possessed it.

SMILE ALWAYS :)
HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY!
ENJOY~~

SEAN

dedicated to wei hoong

I was wondering..

I have been having myriad dreams, although they are not as vivid as before.

But there's one thing for sure..

Those little dreams I had were wonderful.

D for Daring to Dream

Would any of you ever appreciate your dreams although some of you may find it hard to recall what you dreamt of after you had awaken from the warm and comfy bed of yours?

My Dreams, as beautiful and wonderful as ever.

Dreams, my second home, my fantasy land that projects all my inner desires.

Dreams, make my day.

Dreams, provide me with indefinite confidence although they are sometimes false hopes.

Dreams, draw me closer to my loved ones.

Dreams, showed me an avenue that allows me to escape from reality.

Dreams, had inevitably fused with my life as one ever since I was born.

And ALL Dreams, will soon come to life on the day you say ‘I Do.’

Just last night, you came straight into mine with a smile on your face. You told everyone that something that we held each other tightly. That moment again will be one of those wonderful moments that would find themselves carved on the walls of my mind.

Is that what I wanted? We’ll figure that out soon.

Thanks for everything :)

Sean

Puzzled with "It"

It has been awhile since I last dreamt about you,
I never stop contemplating our never lasting relationship.
As we thought that the bond we made never did work out,
I told myself profusely never to bother your life as much as I did.

At the time when I was thinking that "It" is almost ending,
You never fail to appear and reappear continuously in my Every dreams.
Telling me how much you want "It" to move on more than usual,
While occasionally informing me that you never knew how much I cared for you?

I feared that I had made the wrong decision for letting you go,
Forgetting that a great effort had been made to bring you into my solitary life.
I am willing to go through thick and thin with you if the decision made is right,
However your confessions to me never fail to baffle Every single bits of me.

P.s. "It" has been occurring for the past three consecutive days and I'm so confused, making you confuse too :)